"The Case of the Missing Envelope" or "Retail Therapy"

So, today was *quite* the interesting day. This morning, I woke up like almost any other morning and went into the kitchen to eat breakfast. (Okay, okay...it was mid-morning and I totally overslept, but...details, details...)In any event, my mom was stumbling about frantically and looking for something in the kitchen, and then in other rooms of the house. I proceeded to eat my "Half the Sugar! Quaker Oatmeal" (or whatever it is called), knowing better than to ask. Eventually I heard my mom yelling, "Where is it? Where is it? Who touched the mail? I need that envelope!" It turns out some envelope was missing that she had seen "just yesterday" that contains some important information on someone who stole her identity/credit card. They didn't steal much, but I guess she really wanted to find that envelope. Which is totally normal, right?

Well, I swear to G-d she started to freak! She found my dad and started yelling at him for touching the mail. He told her that he didn't touch the mail. He asked me if I did and I said, "Nope." He suggested my sister Dana (who was at work) probably touched the mail. Well - whoa - she started to freak! I don't want to repeat what she said b/c it makes her sound insane. But she basically started cussing at my dad and calling him a liar and all this really weird shit. I *LOVE* my Mom - don't get me wrong, she is a great lady deep down. But she is a broken person. And she can be completely irrational. She digs into my poor father like you wouldn't believe. My father isn't the easiest person in the world to deal with either, but he always works his ass off and means his best. She just freaks out at him for no reason and it really hurts. For some reason, this morning it hurt more than most. I don't really want to go into it, b/c I don't want my blog to be a forum to bash my family all the time...but it just was horrible. I told my Dad that I supported him, and that I was on his side in this. But in true Dad fashion he just said, "There are no sides here! We're a family and we're a team!" I love him, but he is such a doormat for my mom most of the time. Every now and then he gets irrational himself, but he really just lets her degrade him 24/7 and it makes me sick. It's basically like this with my parents - if its not one of them acting crazy, its the other one. If you think one will be on your side - they won't, and the other one suprisingly will be. You absolutely can't predict their volatility at all! In the middle of my mom yelling at my dad, she started telling me that I was in her way and to get out of the kitchen. I swear, I just wanted to eat my breakfast in peace!! She screamed at me to get out of the way and told me to stop lollygagging around her kitchen and to get a life! UGHHH! That woman always knows how to cut me with words. When she isn't praising me and telling me that "I can do anything!" she is putting me down and telling me that I'm a waste (Passive/Aggressive much?!?). Anyway, I quickly finished my breakfast and got myself out of the kitchen. Tears were welling up in my eyes...

I'm 25 years old! Hell - I'm almost 26!! And still, G-d love her, My mom can make me feel about 5 years old and 2 inches tall. Its amazing how quickly she can burst my balloon and deflate any optimism I have inside of me. Aren't I supposed to be a MAN at this point in my life? Aren't I supposed to have confidence and intelligence and talent and ability? Well, I probably have all of those things - except for the confidence and without confidence - you are robbed of all the rest. Ugh.

I just knew I had to get out of my house. I didn't know where I was headed, but I got in my car and went. I didn't even have a chance to shower. But I had to get out of my house. I couldn't be here while my mom kept lashing into my father and looking for this freaking envelope. Talk about an overreacting drama queen! Maybe that is too cruel, in fact I know it is. My mom needs help and needs to talk to someone. But whatever - why do I have to be dragged into this every second of my life. I KNOW I am by farrrrrrrrrrr the ideal son or the easiest person to deal with, and I certainly have my own demons - but I don't deserve this. In any event, I digress. I ended up driving 45 minutes away to one of the largest malls in the country, The Palisades Center. I have always called it "The Palisades Mall", but whatever. Anyway - I wanted to drive for an extended period of time, listen to some tunes, and just get the hell outta dodge.

While I was walking around this massive mall (I think its one of the largest in the U.S., if not the world) and contemplating my present life and how I'm going to get to the future, I also had another goal in mind - skinny jeans! That's right. I have never really owned a pair of jeans that fit me right. Of course, "fit me right" is extremely subjective. Big and baggy was in for most of my teenage years and beyond, but today, especially for the Gays - slim cut and low/rise is in. Not that I have the body for that - because I most certainly do NOT, but I need jeans that are more shapely. I don't have much of a body, but I have a pretty decent ass, haha. Gotta showcase that baby off! With all the massive sales going on, I checked out a bunch of stores - but I really don't have patience for trying on clothing item after clothing item. After comparing cuts and looking at prices, I decided to try on a few pairs from Men's Express. I've never bought anything from them before, but always wanted to. Their clothing is pretty simple and stylish. They were having HUGE "After Christmas" sales - and who am I to say no to a bargain! Eventually I found two pairs that fit me decently. It was hard to find the right sizes and colors since most of the good stuff was already bought up. Most of the available inventory was for overly fat or overly short people. The average/mean length and waist was all but gone. Yet - I found two nice dark jeans. One is a dark navy and one is a darker blackish-navy. They are slightly different - although not much. I really, REALLY wanted something in a much lighter color, but gave in b/c the fit was real good. They are really only appropriate for "Night-time/Clubbing" - but I haven't done much going out at night or clubbing in a long time, so I don't know when I'll wear them. Maybe I need to find a reason to go out and wear them out now, haha! I really wanted "daily wearers" that were lighter, but I'll live. I have to say that, although happy with the cut, I wasn't feeling too happy after I bought them. I spent WAY more than I wanted to. Only one of the pairs turned out to be on sale, and the other pair was FULL PRICE! Ughhh, who pays full price?!? I don't even have $$ to begin with! Of course I'm too much of a pussy to say anything, so I took it anyway. I wish I could be like most Gay's and charge with wreckless abandon, but I'm not in that position in my life yet. Maybe someday, but I'm nowhere near it right now. Instead of feeling satisfied that I bought jeans for the first time in over a year and finally had a pair that fit me decently - I just wanted to throw up at the money I spent. Where is the Jew in me? I should have not bought or returned the full price jeans immediately, lol! Oh well, it was a bad morning and I needed some retail therapy - so be it! Now I have booty pants, haha! :)

Of course, when I got home after a long day of perusing the mall, my mom had made a really nice dinner and things with her and my dad were fine. As always, they act like nothing had gone on before. It just annoys me - I mean its good they get over stuff fast, but I hate brushing the "dirt under the rug" so to speak. I was really hurt for me, for my dad, and for the state my mom has gone to. Blah - I don't want to talk about this anymore. I just need some space. I just feel really sad for my family. I mean my mom DOES so much for all of us, but her words sure can cut. They say actions speak louder than words though, right? So why do certain inappropriate words hurt so much? Blah...I've said to much, I have to shut up so I don't delete this blog in the future, lol. My parents are great, its just...complicated!

Anyway, I hope someday I make lots and lots of money, so that if bad stuff goes on in my life, I can actually afford to do retail therapy *RIGHT* and not feel sick afterward, lol! Here's to a future where THAT is possible! ;)

P.S.: Sorry, no photos of the booty jeans taken YET - so just enjoy the shopping bag at the top, lol! :)

P.P.S.: I never did ask about that envelope after I returned home. Who knows if it turned up! lol.