My Return to Miami...

(I can't upload a pic here for some reason and I really wanted to - grrrrrrr!)

Well, it's almost that time - August!

I can't believe it, but my summer classes flew by. As crazy, condensed, and stressful as they were, I somehow got through it and got through it well. I checked my grades online today and found out that, in both my summer classes I got A's. Woohoo - all A's again! I still suck at life, but at least I rock at school! :-)

In any event, I got through it and I have some free time now. The fall semester doesn't start up for me again until August 30, and this will hopefully be my last semester. Until then I have time to myself - and you best believe that means finding a way down to Miami to be with my Miami family! My beloved Palace may have turned into a Chuck-E-Cheese's by the time I return, but I will still guard the premises valiantly as ever (lest no one slip a shot of tequila into anything I am drinking - then all bets are off!). The fact is - I'm trying to figure out where I'm going to stay for 2 or 3 weeks and what I'll do down there, but I swear I plan on getting down there and seeing everyone asap. I can't believe it's been since April since I have been there. In my mind I never left! :P

So - here is the plan. As long as I can find somewhere to stay (aka not the Best Western, lol) I will stay there for 2 or 3 weeks. I want to get a real good feel what it's like to live down there, rather than just to visit - hence why I want to go for more than a week. I might take a real estate class for a week down there, not sure. Hopefully get some kind of part time job, see my Miami family, get some beach time in, and try to explore the area some more. *SHOCK* I'd even like to make some daytrips to Ft. Laud. (I've still never been!). Irregardless, I need to get down there and do some more exploring, so that I'm absolutely sure it's the right fit - b/c if it is I will definitely be moving there in January of 07' when I'm done with school. I'm nervous and I'm excited, I'm sure some crazy Hurricane will come to kick my ass - but I have to find a way to do it anyway. So my friends and family - look out, b/c as soon as I find a place to sleep for 2 or 3 weeks, I'd like to show up the first (hopefully) or second week of August. Miami - somehow, some way - I am coming to see you soon! :)

My Date With a Countess

Jesse, "The Countess", and Brian at Club Cafe on Tuesday, July 18, 2006. Photo Courtesy of Brian :)

I would be remiss if I didn't discuss the very special "Family Reunion" that I had on Tuesday night with Brian and The Countess. When Meri and I returned from Boston on Monday evening, we flew in Logan International Airport in Boston. The plan was for me to stay with her for a few days, until we would drive back home to NY for my younger sister Dana's graduation party yesterday (that is a whole other blog in and of itself, lol). So, I just knew during my time there I had to orchestrate a reunion between the Northeastern Society Members of the Court of Alexis. ;) On Tuesday night my sister Meri, Brian, his boyfriend B, his cute friend Jeff, the guest of honor The Countess, and myself all gathered at this very gay lounge/bar/restaraunt called Club Cafe in Boston. It was so great to reunite with Cuz and The Countess, to meet Brian's phenomenally sweet boyfriend B., to meet his very nice friend Jeff (who drove me and Meri home afterward - what a nice guy!!!), and to have my sister there to meet/be with everyone alongside me. It was such a special evening. Everyone had a great evening, especially since no Tequila was involved! I loved everyone telling my older sister about me and Tequila - NOT! Thanks guys! ;) J/K I'll live, lol. It sucked that my sister's wife/partner Margie could not attend, but she had photography class that night. In any event, the six of us had a smashing time.

I just read Brian's blog before I posted this one, and I have to say that he is right - it's not necessarily where you are all hanging out, but it's more about the company you keep. And this was a special group of some very special people to me. The Countess is like a beam of light that shines wherever she goes. I am absolutely positive that I am not the first one to have said this to her. Although - like any other human being, she is prone to her "Mommy Dearest" moments, especially when barbells and blacklights are involved. LOL! :) She kept ordering some classy drink, although I am not classy, so I had no idea what she was drinking, lol. B. drank a really cool looking blue drink, Meri had something called the "Pouty Princess" which is SO freakin hilarious if you knew my sister (she is so NOT a pouty princess, lol!), and Jeff, Brian, and I at one point or another drank this drink called the "Cuban Cosmopolitan", which Meri renamed "The Angry Cuban". The waiter and everyone else seemed to like that name much better. We felt it would be a more apropos drink for somewhere in South Beach, but we will gladly spread the name/drink of the Angry Cuban wherever we go! ;) Throughout the night, many, many, many, many, many toasts were made - and we wouldn't have had it any other way!

I'm sure no one cares about the actual dishes that were ordered, so I won't go into that much detail. There was something about a "1983" that half the people ordered, and I got Tortellini that turned out to be Rigatoni, but I digress, I digress. At one point or another such gay staples as "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" and "Mommy Dearest" were brought up, gay marriage was discussed, the politics of MA politics in general were a hot topic (although I was the only person there who didn't know these candidates), The Countess' fabulous golden purse was celebrated, dollhouses were mentioned, and of COURSE we spoke about our beloved Palace and toasted Alexis and Ian who were there with us in thought! We had many special moments, all of which I can not discuss here - but it was SUCH a great evening, more of which are definitely what is missing in my life. If I could have more nights like that, spent dining and talking with those people who are special to me - well, it would be wonderful. Not that my family isn't special to me, but you know what I mean - it's important to be socially fulfilled and surrounded by friends who share the same interests as you. It was so great! I can't wait for the next reunion! :)

Now, I originally wasn't going to make myself so vulnerable as to put this out there - but what the hell! At one point, as I mentioned above, dollhouses were mentioned. The Countess was talking to me about her dollhouse collection and how, what started out as a simple starter home grew into any gay, err - I mean doll's dream mansion. I was so interested, so I kept asking her questions about it. I was like "DOLLHOUSES?" with a smile across my face when the topic was brought up. Don't ask me what - but combine my interests in interior design with that bitch Barbie always getting her dream life - and you have me going ga-ga over dollhouses. Jeff, Brian's superhot and nice friend looked at me and was like "Dollhouses? Really?" I think I ruined any positive or masc impression I would have made at that point, but what can you do, lol! :) In any event, I could wax nostalgic about this evening, about The Countess' dollhouse, and about "The Family" in general for hours on end, but I'll spare you all the gushing. It's just needless to say that last Tuesday was wonderful and I hope to see everyone again soon! Here is missing you ALL!

"Puerto Rico, You Lovely Island, Island of Tropical Breezes..."

Picture of me taken on Saturday, July 15, 2006 at Condado Beach in San Juan, Puerto Rico

Well, I'm back from my trip and have a chance to talk a little about it. I want to blog more often (I swear!), so in order to do that I will try and just write a quick blog entry (I swear that, too!).

Going to Puerto Rico was an amazing experience, a surprise that pretty much came out of nowhere. Since my older sister Meri's wife/partner Margie didn't want to go to Puerto Rico, her loss was my gain. I hadn't researched the island at ALL before we had gone, so I had no idea what to expect. We stayed at this amazing hotel in Old San Juan called El Convento, which is a one-of-a-kind boutique hotel that used to be a convent for Carmelite nuns hundreds of years ago. It had an amazing outdoor courtyard with palm trees, tropical plants, and a great breeze that you could feel from the nearby ocean. Each room had a 36" flat screen television, remote-controlled Bose radio, and was decorated with wrought-iron beds, Andalusian tiles, 14" ceilings with post and beam support, and a marbled bathroom. The staff at this hotel, along with everyone else in Puerto Rico, were the friendliest most helpful group of people that you could ever meet. Really - my sister and I could have stayed in the hotel the entire time and never left, lol. But - of course we got to venture out and visit PR.

Meri's main reason for wanting to go to Puerto Rico was to visit the Caribbean National Forest, aka El Yunque. It is the only tropical rainforest in the United States National Forest system. I believe there is a subtropical one somewhere in Washington state, but this rainforest was pretty special. We went on a van tour with a young family of four (two spanish teachers and their 2 and 8 year old daughters), led by a wonderful and knowledgeable man named Rafael. Originally, my sister had booked a direct rainforest tour through Travelocity, but our tour guide called 2 hours later to tell us that she had accidentally "drank too much medicine" the night before. Mmm-hmm. Well, luckily we had an extra day to reschedule with Rafael, whom the hotel had suggested we go with in the first place. In the end, I'm glad we got him as our tour guide. We were able to go to the top of a tower in the middle of the rainforest, to see the next of the rare Puerto Rican Parrot (but not the birds themselves - they are among the top 10 most endangered species of birds in the world), to see all the flora and fauna of the rainforest (bamboo stalks, Plumeria trees, Palm Trees, Banana Trees, tropical ferns, Hibiscus plants, etc...it went on and on), and my personal favorite - taking a hike to a secluded waterfall where our group all got to swim in a river. That alone made the experience! I posed on a rock in the water doing my best "Kathy Ireland Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Pose" and Meri tells me at that moment everyone in the tour group went "a-ha!" and knew I was gay. (Please - as if they didn't know before, lol). At the end of our tour, we were able to visit a roadside authentic Puerto Rican barbeque in the middle of the rainforest. I got two chicken shish-kebabs. The little girl in our group got a coconut drink that was actually in a coconut - how cool is that? All in all, it was a very special experience!

We were only in Puerto Rico for 3 days and a morning, but Meri and I really covered a lot of ground. I would have liked to have stayed longer, but Meri is a big fan of the "short trip". During our time there we were able to eat at some wonderful local places, visit the amazing centuries-old forts of Old San Juan (El Morro was right by our hotel, with the fort of San Cristobal not too far away), we took in the local color of the different pastel-colored buildings and shops of OSJ, and we made our way to the beaches of San Juan for a day. Unfortunately on the "Gay Beach" of Condado Beach, near the Atlantic Hotel there were literally - three people on the beach. 3! One man was about 350lbs and wearing a bathing suit that he should NOT have been wearing, one twinky boy with horrible curly hair was wearing a tighty-whitey that left nothing to the imagination, and one sorta cute boy was out in the water. Then there was my sister and I. 12th Street Beach - this was not, lol! We went to check out the Atlantic Hotel's "Gay Happy Hour" but found the same situation there - 2 diesel women, a janitor, and one of the guys from the beach were there - and no one else. We booked out and went elsewhere. I guess it really was the "off season", lol.

One of the most fun accidental adventures that we went on was finding this hotel called "The Water Club" in San Juan Proper, while we were walking on Isla Verde beach. It was the other hotel my sister had wanted to stay at, had we not stayed at El Convento. The Water Club was amazing. We found it accidentally, walked on in, and took in the views. They have a top-floor bar on the 20th floor that overlooks the ocean. It was a very modern/minimalist boutique hotel that felt very South Beach to me. Needless to say, I felt at home there. They had a glass paneled waterfeature in the elevator itself, an elevator in which the top was also cut out so that you could see the tension cable pulling you up to the roof. I was floored. I felt like I was living the Mod-life, lol. On the roof there were comfy white leather pillows to sit on, music to chill to, and Meri and I both grabbed lemonade to sip. Definitely one of my most special moments on this trip, outside of the rainforest or hanging on the rooftop of El Convento late at night on our last night there.

We also happened across one of my favorite discoveries - one of the five "Doors" to Old San Juan, the only one still in existence today. When the walls of the city and the forts were built hundreds of years ago, this door welcomed immigrants, passengers by ship to the city. It was literally where the voyagers would enter the city after their long trip by sea. They would walk through this tremendous concrete enclosure opening, push open a tremendous wooden door, and march up the streets to the Church where the would give thanks to G-d for a save journey. I LOVE living history like that! I felt like I was literally back in time hundreds of years, reliving their journey as I took the same steps the travellers once did. How cool!

There's so much more to write about my short stay in Puerto Rico, but I've already written more than I intended. I'll just say that in the end Meri and I had a blast. It was really special and fortunate to be able to have this adventure with my sister. I'm so glad that in the absence of her partner, she chose me to take along and enjoy the experience with her. It was nice to get away from the house and to get to the beach. I definitely hope to get "home" to my 12th Street though - the Atlantic Beach Hotel just didn't cut it ;) Seriously though, this was an amazing trip - and I can't wait to see what adventure in my life is next!

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaack!!

Hey Everyone,

Just got back from spending a week splitting my time between visiting my older sister in Boston, travelling with her to Puerto Rico, and then back to Boston with her. We just came back home to NY last night for my younger sister's outdoor graduation/pool party today. Unfortunately it is raining up a storm, and I did all the decorating! :( We have tents though, so hopefully everything will go off okay. At least we have a ton of food!

In any event, I just wanted to let everyone know that I just got back and that I'm alive. I haven't spent really any time on the Internet at all the past week, so I haven't had a chance to read anyone's blogs, comment, or write my own. I will try to get on here later tonight to write a little about visiting the rainforest of El Yunque in Puerto Rico, visiting my sister in Boston, and of course the family reunion I'm sure everyone knows about that took place at Club Cafe in Boston. I miss you all and I will write later! Hope everyone is doing well. Big updates to follow! :)

Grey Skies are Gonna Clear Up...

Okay, things have not completely blown over at home. In fact, I'd say on Monday of last week they got a heck of a lot worse. But - my parents seem to constantly vacillate between worst enemies and people who can deal with one another. You had just better hope to not be caught in the crosshairs of the former. I know that it is incredibly confusing to understand, but I think Digby said it best when he commented, "somewhere in all their dysfuntion lies their function." Amen.

I also wanted to say that I don't really want my grandfather to die. That came across as quite harsh and cold, and I am not that sort of person. I love my grandfather. And I love my family. I just want him, and my family to find some sort of peace. Because peaceful is the opposite of what this family has been for the past few years, and it gets a little more difficult to live under the penumbra of death, depression, and anxiety every day. So, I hope no one out there thinks I am a cold blooded bastard. I just want everyone to be at peace, happy, functioning, and looking positively toward the future. I haven't been able to always do that, especially in the past few weeks - but by God, I am trying.

SO, WHY THE POSITIVE SHOT OF A BLUE SKY?

Because - like I said, I'm trying. Being miserable and caught up in this sadness isn't getting me anywhere. I have a lot to be proud of and I need to take stock in that. I busted my a$$ this past Spring semester and took more credits than I ever have in any other semester of my life (19) - AND, even with that insane amount of work, I managed to get a 4.0 GPA. So I really busted my tail and worked hard for it. In two more weeks I will have completed my Summer semester and have earned another 6 credits. I don't know what my grades will be, but I have worked equally hard this Summer. I could have been out "having fun" but instead I devoted myself to school so that I can graduate by December. I don't know what December brings, but b/c of my hard work I will be able to enjoy whatever "the next chapter" of my life may bring. So, in that stance I have a LOT to look foward to!

Speaking of having things to look foward to - after my Summer Session ends on July 11, I will be heading up to Boston to visit my older sister Meri. We are going to go to Puerto Rico for the weekend b/c my sister has this craving to go and see a Rain Forest. Her partner is in a "fear of flying" stage right now, so I get to accompany my sister on the trip. Works for me! :P Plus, then I will spend a few days with her back in Boston after we return. I FULLY plan on spending some time with the Countess and with Cousin Brian - so consider this notice! We are all going to Club Cafe!!! :-)

After my Boston adventure, I would really, really, REALLY like to spend some time in Miami in August. I hear a month during Hurricane Season is just lovely! ;) Seriously though - it's so important I get there in August. I have to see how I hold up with 100% humidity every day and the constant threat of hurricanes. I don't know what I'll do about the driving situation, since my car can barely make it down the block. The other night it completely died on me in the middle of a busy road - the engine just stopped running. So that is something I'm anxious about, but I'm sure I can figure some kind of solution out. But the fact is that it is something I am LOOKING FORWARD TO, and with everything I am going through right now, that means a lot.

Thank you *SO MUCH* to everyone of my blog friends. I'm sorry that I haven't commented back yet, but as you can imagine, things have been crazy. I don't really know what to say. But your support/comments/advice mean so much. I'm just trying to figure out what to do. Like Babs said "you have a choice". She is correct. While I may not feel strong enough to leave this place yet, I can mentally prepare for the day (soon) when that is possible. If I have to leave sooner, so be it. But I'm trying, and I'm finding things to look forward to. And that all equals the one ingredient that is the most important of all - hope.