(WTF is up with this new Google Blogger account format I just had to sign up for? Weird.)
So, at around 3p.m. in the afternoon yesterday, I received a phone call on my family's house phone. Since all my gays and close friends only ever call me on my cell phone, I didn't really know who it could be. The only 3 people who ever call me at home are my close girlfriends Chrissey, Seta, or Jessica. EVERYONE else uses the cell. But the voice at the other end definitely didn't belong to those 3 people. "Who is this?" was the question I asked to that voice at the other end of the phone. "Stephanie" was the reply.
Stephanie E. and I grew up together. We were so close growing up - we hung out literally from the time we were in the playpen until the end of high school. Stephanie has a brother Lee who is a year older than us, but who was also in the same grade as us in school (since he attended pre-first and Steph and I didn't). Stephanie and Lee lived literally the next block away from me in the suburbs - so we spent most of our waking moments together. In 8th grade they moved like 10 minutes away, so we didn't see each other as much, although that had more to do with growing up/growing apart rather than distance b/c let's face it - 10 minutes is nothing! We all went to school together, hebrew school together, family functions, etc...we were very close. After high school, people have a way of moving on and moving up in their lives and we just grew apart, mostly because Lee lives in Philadelphia and Stephanie lives in Washington, DC. In any event, Stephanie was home for the weekend and looking through an old scrapbook when she found letters that I had written to her while she was away at Jewish Summer Sleep Away Camp. (Shut it!) :) So, she thought of me and called me up. She asked if I had plans already, since it was last minute and on a Saturday night. If I actually had a life I might have, but I didn't have plans, lol. If Steph were a guy I had been interested in and I didn't want to seem desperate I might have made it seem like I was busy, but instead I was like, "Sure! I never have any plans! I'll be over at 6!" Haha. (Wait a minute, even if it *WAS* a guy I liked on the other end, I probably still would have appeared desperate. Haha!) Stephanie's phone call was completely OUT OF THE BLUE in every sense of the expression, and I had never expected it in a million years. I knew it would be awkward to catch up (I haven't seen her in about 2 or 3 years), but I wanted to see her anyway. I'm glad I agreed to pay her a visit, and that I truly was free.
When she opened the door, it was just as if we were teenagers again. I thought it would be awkward, but besides the first 2.5 seconds of the mindf*ck that is seeing an old familiar face for the first time in ages, it really wasn't all that awkward to hang out with her! I thought I would feel depressed and pathetic, since she is so much "farther along" (whatever that means) at 25 than I am. She has been living this great "grown up" life in Washington D.C. with her boyfriend for years now. She is "nowhere near ready for marriage", as she put it, but they might as well be a succesful married couple. He takes care of her and she takes care of him. He makes decent money, so he OWNS this condo in Northern Virginia, just outside of D.C. Its just a completely different level than I am on. But Stephanie is a GREAT girl, and I'm actually REALLY, REALLY happy for her! She is literally like a sister to me. We even "dated" in 5th grade for a day or so, haha! I was her first boyfriend, and she was my first girlfriend. Apparently, I could never commit to another woman ever again. LOL!! ;)
Seriously - hanging out with Stephanie was wonderful. We just reminisced about things that only two people who spent most of their lives growing up together could. We talked about old classmates, old teachers, old inside jokes - the things that had so defined those early parts of your life. Its so funny how one of you can remember something that the other COMPLETELY forgot, only to be reminded of it once again. It sucks how you can lose touch with someone who was always there during those crucial years, but we both vowed to keep in better touch. I truly hope it happens. Another thing we both agreed on, which I NEVER thought would happen - was how the farther away we got from High School, the less traumatic it was remembered. I can so clearly remember being depressed in High School and not being able to wait to "blow this popsicle stand" and to take on the world. (It hasn't happened yet, but I vow it WILL!). In any event, looking back - we both agreed that we had really good teachers, a really good education, some really great friends, and lived in a really safe, fun, and overall great place to grow up. It's weird how something that seemed so dramatic and traumatic to a bunch of teenagers now is such a sweet memory. Does time heal all wounds, given enough time? Are we just remembering the good times? We we overdramatic teenagers back in the day? Who knows - but it felt great to reminisce with someone who was there through it all too.
So why the title "Hope Springs Eternal" for this blog posting? Well, somewhere between being greeted by Stephanie at the door, eating a cute grocery-store-bought Sushi and Eggplant Parmigiana dinner, and reminiscing on the couch (which sounds really dirty - but trust me, it wasn't! haha) - I just began to feel better about myself. I don't know if she was buttering me up, but she reminded me of the person that I was, before I got trapped living in the suburbs with my parents as an adult, at least for a period of time. She reminded me of how creative I was, and how much fun we used to have together. She reminded me of the person who used to live life looking forward, rather than regretting the past. Of course I am trying vehemently to look forward today, but I also unfortunately let the black cloud of regrets and fear roll in from time to time. It was just great to meet someone who "knew me back when." I told her how it has been difficult living here, and how the few times I've been to FL - those are the only times I have felt like I was able to just "be myself" as I truly am for a short period of time. Its the biggest single reason I need to move away - I have to find myself again in the form of a young adult independent life. Anyway, I'm digressing (as usual). Stephanie just made me feel like I should be feeling, the way I haven't felt for quite some time. Also - she was a source of inspiration for me. She is someone who comes from virtually the same background from me - and yet is so much farther along today. But that's a GOOD thing. She is living proof that one can find and carve out a nice life for themselves away from here, and still have a good relationship with their family. You can always come home. You can go out there in the world and you CAN find love and you CAN be successful and better days ARE yet to come. For showing me that by example, I can't thank Stephanie enough!
Here's to Stephanie. Here's to me as I used to be and will be again. Here's to hope. Here's to the future! :-)
